Fruitless love
by nekocandy4life
Summary: Misaki Takahashi has been in love with the genius akihiko usami the day his brother brought him home but it was clear his feeling will never be returned. Years of bottle up heart ache and anger finally leaks out when Misaki finds a certain editor runs lovingly up to the author and blushes after being passionately kissed. Shattered;Misaki runs away and meets a stranger. plot no mine
1. shattering

**Hello people of Junjou Romantica fanfiction!**

**Ok so…um…my name is Nekocandy4life but you can just call me neko or candy or whatever! **

**Anyways…I'm not really new at writing fanfiction but I'm use to writing stories for SEKAI ICHI HATSUKOI and this is my first Junjou Romantica fanfic. I used some characters in my other stories but I never made a story _for_ them. **

**Ahem.**

**So this is actually a request from one of my readers (a guest who I don't know what to call her.) she wanted a Junjou story with these pairings and sent me the plot of what she wanted it to be about. So thank her! **

**Disclaimer~ Junjou Romantica is not mine and the plot to this story I do NOT own ok!**

**Enjoy and go easy on me with criticism~!  
**

* * *

_Fruitless love_

Is it possible to die without losing your life?

I think so.

How else can I describe my feelings right now?

This mask I wear constantly, to the point it's fused to my face, is the only thing protecting me now. Shielding me from prying eyes, from those who want to see me break.

What they don't know is I'm already cracked wide open.

And I'm continuing to break apart.

So I sit here;

In the coolness of autumn

Trying to repress the stitches of my heart from coming undone completely.

I don't cry or scream

What's the point of doing those things?

It won't change anything.

I have loved him but it was never returned and it will remain so to the end of time. My love will be unrequited for as long as I live.

**_Another crack forms on this mask_**

I can still remember the exact day I fell for him as if it was yesterday.

I was eight when nii chan brought his friend over to the house.

_"Misaki" _

Nii chan's kind voice echoed through the halls.

_"Come and meet my best friend Usagi san."_

My heart lodged itself in my throat when my big green eyes gazed at the sinful angel. The one word that went through my mind at that moment was

_Beautiful._

Love at first sight—

On my part.

**_More cracks_**

I thought he could, would love me.

_'If I be all I can and more then maybe he'll fall in love with me.'_

Became my motto

To push myself to be someone to his standard, someone perfect that he can love back.

**_The cracks are getting wider_**

However…no matter what I did, how much I achieved, or how perfect I became for everybody, his love was always nii chan's.

Not mine.

But damn nii chan was dense.

Like me Usagi san's love was unrequited, ignored, shot down.

So I believed that maybe I had some hope.

Some chance to get him to look away from my brother and at me.

**_My mask is coming undone…_**

I even felt his agonizing pain when nii chan went off and got married to that whore. I was furious at his cruelty I cried after dragging my love to the store.

Just us

Alone

**_The pieces are falling_**

_"I'm sorry. What nii chan did was just cruel!" _

Remember screaming out, the river of tears wouldn't stop.

Not until he kissed my head and breathed

_"Thank you."_

**_Why is my mask falling apart?_**

My heart fluttered when he leaned on my shoulder and cried allowing me (me!) to be the only one to see him cry and hold him.

He was cold and it started snowing but inside I was burning up.

**_Stop falling mask, I need you.  
I need stability._**

I was so close.

So close to achieving his heart and having my feelings returned.

Nine years spent loving his afar

This year moved in with him.

So, so close.

Until today.

**_Crack_**

Today…someone else stole his heart from me.

**_Crack crack_**

Someone else stole his attention

His love

All from me.

_**Crack crack crack crack crack crack** _

….

* * *

"Hey" eh? "What are you doing out here all alone?"

Prying my eyes away from the ground and out of my pain (for the moment) a giant stranger is looming over me. Ocean crystal blue eyes watch me with some unhidden worry.

I stare into those eyes.

"Sorry but can you repeat your question?" I place what's left of my mask back on my face. No need to look imperfect in a stranger's eyes.

"It's late, shouldn't you be going home?"

My smile fazes for a sec before I catch myself from slipping.

"I would but…ano…" I don't want to go back to Usagi san's house. I don't want to see them kissing again or hear their lustful moans. It's too heart breaking. "No one's there." I lie. "My roommate locked me out by accident and I forgot my keys."

"That's awful!" I flinch at his loud voice "Don't tell me you're planning on staying here on this bench all night!"

I shrug.

It'll be better than Usagi san's place.

"I'll survive."

"No! I can't leave you here! It's cold, you'll get sick."

So what man?

What?

You're gonna let me stay at YOUR place? Ri-ight…

"If you like I have a guestroom in my apartment. It's small but it'll be better than sleeping in the cold."

Ok then. He's beginning to creep me out. He doesn't even know me. I could be a killer! Or him! What if he's a killer?

But…the offer does sound nice.

It is getting pretty cold…

Ah what the hell?

What do I have to lose now?

"Ok then."

Smiling so full of sunshine, he leads the way as I get up from the park bench and follow.

"Sorry for intruding" gotta stay polite.

"It's not a problem. My name's Nowaki, so we won't be strangers. Nowaki Kusama."

Should I care man? I want to remain strangers.

Politeness Misaki.

Stay polite.

The name does suit him…Nowaki...

"I'm Takahashi Misaki; nice to make your acquaintance."

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**Shocked anyone?  
**

**Please review and tell me what you think (cuz i get sort of insecure lol)**

**til next time:D**


	2. mind reader

_**yeah I got chapter two up! **_

_**Please enjoy and thank you to those who reviewed and liked and favored this story so far.**_

_**I will start planning to put things in motion soon so enjoy and tell me what you think!**_

_**(I no own plot to story. that belongs to the quest which i dubbed Twinkle. Nor do i own the characters of Junou Romantica)**_

* * *

The complex was nice and warm against the wind outside. There was a kitchen connected to the living room, a bathroom, and two rooms which I'm thinking one is the guestroom.

Simple right?

Yup but it felt so homey not to mention clean.

No clothes thrown around or bears falling on me or even broken dishes; a big plus on my part since I'm sort of a neat freak.

Kusama san offers some tea which personally I wanted to decline but that's rude of me as a guest to do. "Thanks" I say as he disappears into his kitchen.

Going into the living room I take a curious look at my surroundings.

Maybe this guy is more of a neat freak than myself? What this? He has children? Weird…where are they then?

"Those are my siblings." I jumped by his sudden voice in my ear. I hate when people do that, just pop up out of nowhere! It makes me very uneasy. "Sorry did I startle you?"

Yes!

"A bit, it's fine though." Don't do it again!

Of course he can't hear my thoughts as he pick up the frame photo, being careful as he tells me about the picture. Not that I asked to know…I am curious though.

"I grew up in an orphanage and this picture is of all the kids from there including me. see." Pointing to a tiny child with the same sparkly eyes as him. He looked so small and fragile and not all…giant. Amazing how children grow.

"Here you go before it gets cold." Handing me the tea, Kusama san gestures for me to sit where I please. Never once does that smile fall off his face.

As we sip our tea in silence my eyes glance continuously at him wondering if that smile on his face is just a mask like mine as well or if he's ever been crushed before. My bitter mode I was in before decreases as it turns to curiosity.

We pass not talking in ten minutes until the raven haired stranger breaks the silence.

"So why were you crying in the park?" What?

"E-excuse me?" I was brooding yeah but not crying. "I wasn't crying." To prove a point I touch my eyes checking for any wetness or signs of tears.

"Not physically but you were crying on the inside." What are you psychic?! Do I need to protect my thoughts from you?! "Sorry I didn't mean to push a button…" stop that!

And stop apologizing for nothing!

Besides that I thought my mask was full-proof…."Am I that easy to read?"

"Not to the normal eye but I've always been good at reading people." E-eh? I wasn't aware I spoke out loud… "Want to talk about it?"

"No thanks" it's unnerving enough I feel all exposed now thank you very much.

Now what?

Do I just ask him which room is the guest room and hole myself up in there?

"Pardon me but—" what mister mind reader? "Do you happen to know a man by the name Hiroki Kamijou?"

He even knows my literature teacher!

Keeping a calm head (but I bet he can feel me freaking out) I nod politely. "He's my literature professor" And most likely Satan himself. We don't call him 'Kamijou the devil' for nothing you know.

"Oh so you go to (M) university!" those puppy eyes lights up "I use to go there as well. I was majoring in social works but changed to study medicine." I notice his face falls slightly and that smile goes sad a bit.

Unnerving

Go back to smiling…it suits you better that a sad smile.

Before I can prevent it, my mouth opened on its own. "So you're a doctor? Funny, you don't look like one since I thought all doctors were old…" kyaaa!

That was so rude of me!

Why? Shy stupid mouth would you say something like that?!

A hearty chuckle burst out of the man and I feel my cheeks heat up from being laughed at. "Not really, but I'm still starting out small." He enlightens me after calming down. "I just passed my courses in America last week. I came back and they assigned me somewhere for practice to see how good of a doctor I can be."

Don't ask don't ask don't ask don't ask don't ask don't ask don't ask don't ask don't ask.

Dang it!

"Which hospital did they assign you to?" urg! Such shame…why must I always be curious?

My brows knot together when he answers "No hospital yet."

Why? "Aren't all doctors supposed to study first hand in hospitals?" what's the point then?

Shaking his head, the giant smiles once again his happy smile. "I'm studying to be a pediatric so they're assigning me to a school, your school in fact. I know college isn't exactly a big step because I want to work with little kids but it's still a step towards my dream so I don't mind. I'm looking forward to it to be honest."

Wow…he's really passionate about his dream.

I wish I knew what I want to do in life.

"What about you Misa-chan?" my face crunches up by the sudden nick name. "Did I say something wrong?" he can see how upset I am? He really does read people well.

Others would have never noticed.

"N-no" I stutter "It's just the nick name you used; I'm not use to nick names." Only my mother and father called me by that name: Misa-chan. Unless you count Isaka san who enjoys dubbing me 'shortie' and 'cutie', the friggin rapist. "But it's fine if you want to call me that I guess."

Stay polite.

"So um, when do you start your practice job?"

"Tomorrow."

Tomorrow…yeah I have school…HOLD THE PHONE!

I DON'T HAVE ANY EXTRA CLOTHES TO CHANGE INTO TOMORROW!

Walking into one of the rooms, my host comes back with some change of clothes that are four friggin times the size I am!

"These will be big on you but you can sleep in them and if you like I can wash your clothes for tomorrow. You don't have to if you don't want to." He hands them to me then ruffles my hair and points me to the guestroom "Goodnight Misa-chan."

"T-thank you Kusama san" Thank god he reads mind.

After changing and in the room (I didn't wear the pants because they wouldn't stay up and the shirt fits me like a dress) I lay down snuggling in the sheets thinking how grateful I am to Kusama san for his kindness.

Then after a while in the dark my thoughts reverts back to Usagi san…and I let my mask fall this time before drifting off.

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_**I don't really like how slow this is going...  
**_

_**please review and give me some feedback TT^TT**_


	3. Happy Hollween

**I DO NOT own plot/Character named Asura which belongs to twinkle. NOR do I own The Junjou Romantica characters. They just allowed me to use their awesomeness to let my imagination run free and cause mayhem hehehe! **

**Also Thank you Twinkle for giving me the idea to add sweet Asura in here! I was stuck on how to bring him in until I read your review:D I hope I have not shamed your awesomeness with this chapter and tell Asura It's cool. I WOULD LOVE TO PUT HIM IN SOME OF MY OTHER FANFICS. **

**He's just so lovable:3 **

**Enjoy~**

* * *

_Fruitless love ch 3_

* * *

The pain in my heart was still there freezing my whole being. I hated it. I loved it. My mind was ripping my skull apart, wanting my brain to splatter on the ground as I walked to lunch.

I wasn't able to sleep last night with everything that recently happened but now my body's paying the price for it all.

Sluggishly I drag my feet which feels like bricks down the hall to the lunch room. I know I'm going to be hit in the face with so many books today when I start English because I can't seem to keep my eyes open. The floor is actually beginning to look appealing at this very moment. I know Kamijou the devil is going to enjoy this day.

"Kya!" a squeak woke me a bit.

Looking down I realized I bumped someone, a kid, down to the ground. "I'm so sorry!" sir? Mam? Miss? Lad? I can't tell if the kid is a girl or guy. "Here let me help you since it's my fault." I hold out my hand for the kid to take hold and hoist he or she up. "You ok?" I ask guilty "I am really really sorry."

Stupid sleep deprived body.

"It's ok!" A...dude?

So he's a dude.

Taking a good look at the kid the word that comes to mind is cute with black and red hair waist length and scarlet eyes that radiates childish but also unknown wisdom. He looks no older than maybe 11 or 12 as hair sways this way and that looking around the hall confused.

Next thing I know, he looks at me with a smile that strangely reminds me a bit like Kusama's sweet smile and he grabs my hand.

"Thank you for helping me up!" The kid chirps blinding me with his smile.

"Y-you're welcome." When I try taking my hands away the kid's hold tightens. "Um...can I help you?" In a second (that scared the shit out of me) I'm being dragged by the kid to where I have yet to find out.

"What's your name mister?" he asks still dragging me by my hands.

"Misaki Takahashi...where are we going if I may ask?" Please don't be a psycho!

Stopping finally I find us in the garden of the school's campus. Trees flow with the breeze as they blow throughout mine and the kid's hair causing his to flow around gracefully like a tiny angel's.

I get lost in the sight.

"Misa chan. How are you holding up?"

"EH?" the question catches me off guard.

The kid's scarlet eyes pierces right through me, seeing my soul, how broken and hateful I'm truly am on the inside of my core. "Your emotional state is upset." My heart leaped in fear. "I can see it's beginning to claw at your mind as well."

I shrug him off gently as his small arms attempt to hug me. "I don't know what you are talking about." Lies. All lies. "Also shouldn't kids your age be in school? Why are you here?" Maybe he got lost or something.

Chuckling at me, the little angel grins hopefully going to drop the first subject and answer my questions. "I am in my school. It's my lunch break just like you silly!"

….

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAT?!"

The information took longer to process than it was at hearing straight out. "You're a student at this school?" No way he's only a kid!

"Yup! I just moved here with my three Brothers and twin sister!" He glomps me. "Lets be friends!"

Uh...should I?

Puppy eyes look up at me "Please. No one wants to be meh friend." If possible the eyes get even more puppy-ish and wide.

How can I say no to that?

"Sure…"

"Asura! Misa-chan can call Asura Asura! Asura's class is right by yours Misa-chan. Class A-B."

Those eyes sparkle almost blinding me permanently and I wonder if he's ever been sad before in his life.

Doesn't look like it. It must be peaceful to not get upset or angry or...heartbroken.

Could Asura even understand how painful it is to be heartbroken or alone? I hope he never learns seeing as he babbles on and on about his family and how loving they are.

I wish I could remember my parents when they were still alive.

I had Nissan growing up but he wasn't exactly, how to say, parently. He did the best he could, gave up his dreams to take care of me, but I guess it wasn't enough to fill this gap in me.

Also he too left me behind.

I didn't want to be alone while my brother and his wife moved away but I didn't want to burden him. Anything but burden him like I did mom and dad.

I bet Niisan doesn't even know I still have nightmares of our parents and what I caused them. No because I always made sure to keep those dreams a secret and keep myself from crying out at night when we were still living together.

Heck not even Usagi san knows about my drea-

Usagi san…Why does my mind always go back to him?

Why?

"Asura want to know about Misa-chan family."

"My family?" I smile wearily but tries not showing my uneasiness. Shockingly Asura seems to see past my farce.

"You don't have to tell if Misa-chan don't wanna."

"Sorry, there's not much to tell that's all." I smile more real this time.

"Ok then...um...does Misa-chan like anime or manga?" and like that he had me at anime!

We spend practically the whole school day gagging like girls about our favorite types of anime and we even got into a pointless debate about which Black Butler and Zatch bell character were the best. Of course for Black Butler Sebastian and Undertaker was tied and for Zatch bell Zatch and Brago were still in question.

The conversation lifted my spirits, taking my mind away from the pain in my chest for the moment and I welcomed it wholesomely.

We lost track of time that before we knew it, it was time to go home. We skipped half of our classes today and oh boy am I going to die tomorrow in english!

Oh well.

I had a blast today.

Bring it on Kamijou sensei.

"Misa-chan" Asura glomps me for the hundredth time today since lunch time as we walk to the front gate of the school. "My family's here to pick me up. Asura will see you tomorrow ok!"

I nod "looking forward to it Asura, bye."

"NO come meet them!"

Uh oh.

"I don't think so Asura. It'll be too troublesome." I sigh when I can't twist out of his surprisingly strong grip. "Please let go."

"NO! Just meet one please PLEASE!"

Just as I'm ready to push him away (gently mind you) a huge friggin car zooms in front of us scaring me white! The car is enormous and too sparkly. You can tell it belongs to someone rich!

My eyes hurt just glancing at it!

"Look there they are, Asura's family!"

So he's rich!

The door opens revealing a kid no older than sixteen with shoulder length pale blonde and lavender eyes that remind me painfully of a certain novelist. He's wearing A LOT of leather. Too much in my opinion. Wonder if walking around wrapped in leather is as uncomfortable as it looks?

He winks at me and says "thank ya for lookin after my lil bro." What a funny accent.

"Uh no problem." Asura says bye and hugs me tightly one last time before speaking to his brother in perfect english. American?

I think that as they climb in the ridiculous expensive car.

Before driving away though he asks sweetly for Me to say hi to 'Waki-tan' for him.

"Waki-tan?" Who the heck is that?

Giggling "Nowaki silly! Say hi to him for me Misa-chan! AND THEN HUG HIM FOR ME TOO!" then they drive away before I can ask how he knows Nowaki er Kusama san I mean.

"How does he know Kusama san?" out of the corner of my eye I see the angel that crushed my heart pull into the driveway in front of the school.

"Misaki." That blissfully heart wrenching thick voice beckons me. My insides scream to ignore it's call but I am weak.

"Usagi san?" I play dumb as he gets out of the car and walks towards me. My heart coils and twists when I see HIM get out the car as well. "What are you doing here?"

In a flash he slaps me, HARD.

My mind and body does not process the pain but my heart does. As he spoke it felt like he was digging poisoned knives through me. Killing me.

"Where were you yesterday? Do have any idea how worried I was when you never came home and had to go out and look for you. Onodera even had to take this day off to help me look for you!" Afterwards he stroked my cheek that he slapped moments ago.

Just stop it.

Don't say that name.

Don't say those things like worried for me, looked for me.

Just stop being so kind to me, looking so worried and caring like that when you feel nothing for me at all.

Stop.

"Misaki." Don't say my name with that kind of tone "Why didn't you come home yesterday?" Home? It's not my home. It's your home. "Answer me please."

My control bends "Why should I?" It bends deeply "It's none of your business. I'm old enough to do as I please." but it does not crack. "Besides it's fine. A friend was helping me" Think of something idiot! "look for a job. We had no luck and it was pretty late afterwards so he allowed me to stay at his place for the night. Sorry I made you and...Onodera kun worry."

My mask does it's job but I can still tell I'm doubted though they don't question any further because I won't answer any further.

I cringe as Onodera takes my hand and smiles that sickening smile. "I'm glad you're ok Misaki san. Lets get you back home ne?"

Don't touch me!

Not after you stole Usagi san!

"I...can't" Usagi san lifts a thin brow.

"Why not?"

"Because" Because what? I don't want do because I don't want to be anywhere near this guy that took you away from me and it makes me so scornfully angry just seeing him. Yeah. Like that's a perfect answer!

"Because?" he's beginning to push me.

I'm close to giving in, to spilling what should remain hidden until I catch a certain nurse coming out of the school finally. "Because I will be hanging out with him" I point at Kusama san.

"A doctor?" his eyes widen then narrows as said doc makes his way towards us.

"Hello Misa-chan." He beams down at me completely unaware for a mind reader of the blizzard glare aiming right at his head. "How was school?"

"It was fine…?!" Usagi san pulls me away "What are you doing?! I told you I'm going to be-"

"No you are coming home." why? You act so possessive of me but you don't love me. WHY?!

My face must have looked helpless before I schooled it because before I could be dragged to the car Kusama san pulls me back. I gulp when I look up at him. He seems so...so...menacing. As if someone pissed him off by kicking his pet dog or something.

An involuntary shudder ran through me as I looked at the expression. Why does he look like that?

"I'm sorry sir but it seems to me Misa-chan doesn't want to go with you guys." Usagi san's eye twitched at the nickname.

"I'm his landlord and his older brother's friend. I promised to look after him so I can not allow him to walk around the city late. It's too dangerous."

Yeah, it's all some stupid promise.

Kusama shocks me frozen as he tells Usagi san "He won't be walking around the city alone. I will be with him helping him look for a job." How did he know the lie I used?! Or is this just coincidence?

"Misaki doesn't need a job, he has school and already does his fair share of work at home."

Angered enough as it is with people talking like i'm some rag doll I disrupt "I want to save up to buy my own apartment."

Silence.

I continue "I don't like being a freelancer and I hate it even more knowing I'm not being independent. Secondly I'm 18 going to be 19, old enough to get a job and live on my own and Kusama san here is trying to help me." I look up at him pleading in my mind to play along.

He does thankfully. "Yes, I know this flower shop that is looking for new employees. I promise you both Misa-chan will be alright and I'll bring him back before midnight."

Before things could go more heated, I quickly pulled the giant panda the opposite way from Usagi san and yelled "I'll be home later!" at him.

I refused to turn back as they called out my name, saying how my brother would be worried about this and other stuff. I blocked them out and focused my attention on the giant by me as I now noticed that I grabbed his hand as I pulled him away.

Blushing I let go and ask him "W-why didn't you rat me out?" Why would you go along and lie for me like that?

His features goes back to that gently and kind expression that seems to put me at ease. "You looked desperate to get away from them."

Oh.

"Thank you."

Shaking his head "Don't thank me besides it wasn't really a complete lie. I do know a flower shop that is hiring if you are interested?"

I do need to start saving up. I can't stand being in the same space as Usagi san and Onodera san without hyperventilating from pain and rage. "If it's not too much of a burden."

"No burden. The owner will be glad to hire you I promise." He takes my hand as we cross a street. The touch oddly sends a strange sensation throughout my arm. Making the palm that connects with his warm and on the verge of sweating.

Odd.

Do I take my hand away?

What is this feeling?

"Misa-chan." His eyes shine brightly than yesterday with that same emotion I can't seem to name as last night. "Happy Halloween."

* * *

**Ok so I hope this makes up for not updating this story last week. I was busy and I wanted to finish posting some other chapters for a fanfic.  
**

**SORRY!**

**Anyways I hope you enjoyed and please give me some feedback!**

**Hahahahaha did the ending of this trip any of you guys out?**

**I wasn't originally going to put the happy Halloween there but since it's October in the story and Halloween today I was all "meh! Might as well MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" **

**HAPPY HALLOWEEN PEOPLE! **


	4. Conflicting questions

**YEAH ANOTHER CHAPTER!**

**I HOPE I DIDN'T MESS THIS UP FOR YOU TWINKLE! **

**THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HAVE REVIEWED, LIKED, AND FOLLOWED THIS STORY! **

**Opening Poem by Ellen Hopkins! **

**Enjoy~ I take NO credit for the characters, plot, and ideas (only some). it all belongs to their respectful owners;)**

* * *

_"Losing It_

_Some days I think_

_I'm losing my mind._

_What seems so_

_clear_

_most of the time_

_becomes a big question mark._

_Am I really_

_the way_

_I perceive myself, or_

_is the person others see_

_the truth of me?_

_I wait for answers,_

_but inside I know_

_I have to go out_

_and find them._

_And answer myself._

_like knowledge, are_

_not always where we_

_first look for them."_

**― Ellen Hopkins**

* * *

My chest burns making it so damn hard to breath with the weight stressing my insides to its poor limits. How much more of this can I take?

I completely ran out on Usagi san the other day at the school and haven't contacted him since! My phone is blown up with all his and Nii san's missed calls.

Well...at least I got a job to show for it and the old man that runs the shop is kind. He didn't make me answer too much questions, only if I knew how to arrange flowers and clean.

Minn-sometimes I think the weight of everything is going to kill me as the world laughs in my face. Not so much a good feeling.

I don't know how to explain it.

Only as…depressing.

And these feeling!

These horrid emotions pushing up and up from their confines, threatening, rebelling to make me snap and pull my hair out of my skull!

I don't like these ugly feeling along with the questions they bring. Like small devils shredding my sanity with venomous words.

Slut.

Asshole.

Bastard.

**Why?**

Cunt.

Liar.

Useless

**Why?**

Ugly.

Flirt.

Unfaithful bitch.

**Why?**

Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?

Why isn't it **me** you fell in love with?

Why aren't** I** perfect enough for you?

WHY DO YOU IGNORE **ME**?!

And then a small but powerful voice always answers;** Because you're a bother.**

Eyesore.

Trouble

Kid.

**I don't mean to be.**

Useless.

Stupid.

Worthless.

**I don't want to be.**

Murderer.

Weak.

Burden.

**I never chose to be!**

And I don't mean to think these selfish things at all but they won't stop eating me alive! It's true I'm just a kid and worthless and...and...ah I need a distraction dear lord!

That's right-a distraction.

Anything might do I guess I mean anything to get my mind off-speak no evil!

"Um Misaki kun?"

"Huh?" I looked to one of my classmates staring down at me from a counter. A mixing bowl and whisk was in my hand though the mix inside thinned out with me mixing it a bit too hard unconsciously. "Oh! I am so sorry Mini-san!"

So much for ANYTHING will do to distract me.

"It's ok Misaki kun." Mini-san smiles, her grayish eyes sparkle with laughter. "You're always so focus on tasks and perfect while doing things like this Misaki kun. Are you alright today or is the Halloween festival too much work for you?"

"I'm fine!" I reply a bit too quickly then meekly add "I was just a bit dazed that's all. I haven't been getting much sleep." How can I sleep with these stupid voices.

Mini-san hummed in reply then told me to take a break and get some fresh air outside our stool.

Walking around feeling lost my mood lifts considerably as my eyes spots a familiar figure standing in front of one stool, his back facing me.

"Hi Asura!" I sneak up on him but gasps when he turned around and slammed me to the ground.

This guy wasn't Ausura but the resemblance was canny!

Same eyes and flowing hair but taller and so...sinister I should say.

Scared shitless from the guy I apologize saying I thought he was someone else. Face blank as a sheet of paper but aura unbelievably frightening, the kid curses at me and then asks (more like commands) what the fuck did I engage with his cousin.

WHAT THE FREAK DOES HE MEAN BUT THAT?!

Taking me standing there like a statue as an answer those fiery scarlet eyes pierce through my soul like the flames of hell. Burning through me until I'm liquefied.

In a split second he lifts me off the ground like I'm nothing but a feather and throws me down HARD making the concrete beneath crack along with some of my bones I think. Next he looms over and curses like he doesn't know a single decent word and calls me a pathetic love struck puppy with a zombie complex.

Sure man, like my own self hatred isn't enough.

Just when I believe I'm about to die with the way the guy picks me up again, a comfortably familiar honey voice calls his name.

Asura!

Oh thank God!

The kid had somehow went over and sat by a tree without me noticing and with an emotionless expression looking oblivious to the fact that he just friggin attacked me! Not to mention tried to kill me!

Asura glomps the menacing guy and smothers him in love. I'm sort of afraid at first when this happens because I don't want Asura getting almost killed as well but it looks like he knows the man. Maybe they're related?

Asura helps me up and heals my now bloody smothered head while apologizing regretfully with a still beaming smile for his nii-chan...wait! "NII-CHAN?! Brother?!" I don't care how dumb that sounded. It's hard imagining them as brothers despite the similarities in looks with the way the guy is vicious!

Asura explains "We're cousins but we're really close so I just consider him as nii-chan. His name's Fear!"

Said cousin glares cursing at me again when I attempt to say nice to meet you.

Fear gets up hands in pockets and for some reason barefoot but he doesn't seem to care when Asura jumps up and clings to his arm. If I look closely enough I think I can see Fear's eyes softening a bit while looking down at his (older?) cousin.

"ASURA URUHA!" Oh no. That voice...Kamijou the devil!

Yup I conclude as a large textbook is thrown at Asura's way but to my utter amazement he dodges it effortlessly.

Kamijou starts to yell at him for skipping class the other day.

Not intimidated at all Asura just smiles but then starts babbling something in...Italian? Making kamijou the devil's twitch his eyes annoyed by the small guy's language shift and then just tells him to hurry to class.

I couldn't help but laugh out loud at that scene. I've never seen anyone make the devil back down. Man I wish I knew how to do that!

My laughter is short lived however as Fear glares at me again. Thank god he turns and leaves without a word.

Asura laughs at this and comments "Not coming to class again huh?" to his cousin.

Fear responds not looking back with a surprisingly polite tone and no curses, "Nah. I'm going to wander the city again. See ya, kid." So he can speak humble Japanese without killing.

Once he was out of sight I sighed in relief and said, "He's scary." Asura chuckles.

"Nii-chans just not a people's person! He's kind on the inside!" I doubt that.

I look down at my wrist where my watch is at. It's time to go back to the stand before the festival starts up completely.

"Misa Chan not coming to class?"

"No sorry Asura" I smile timidly "I'm helping at one of the stands for the festival."

"Oh! Then Asura wants to see Misa chan do his job! Please!"

"Um…" why not? Besides everyone else will be watching you. "Ok I guess but you can leave if you get bored."

"I won't get bored!"

We go to the bakery stand I'm working at and he watches as I begin cooking and baking different desserts, carving animals and flowers out of treats while other classmates with me sells them to the crowd. I lose myself in my cooking enjoying the moment of peace it brings my mind.

All too soon my mind snaps back to earth when I hear clapping and a voice say "Wow. You're a magnificent chef Misa chan!"

"K-Kusama san!" I don't know why I reacted the way I did. Suddenly I felt myself becoming nervous with the way he was watching me and praising my work. "What are you doing here? Don't you have-uh-patients?"

Heats pours in my cheeks as he laughs.

"Asura here invited me to the festival before coming himself and a good thing too. Your head looks like it needs proper bandaging."

Speechless for the numerous time spent with Kusama san, my mouth forms onto a silent (O)

as classmates make way for the school nurse to come around and give me medical care. We go in the back while the others continue what I left behind.

"Who did this to you?" Kusama asks me. His gently touch soothes the throbbing pain while he cleanses the wound carefully then applies antibiotic gel.

"Nothing much. Just an accident."

He hummed "Are you ready for your new job starting tomorrow?"

"Hai. Once again thank you for everything Kusama san."

"Nowaki."

_Ba-bump!_

"E-excuse me?" did I hear him right?

"Everyone calls me Nowaki. Kusama san makes me feel old." chuckling as he now begins to wrap my head. "I consider you a friend Misa chan so I want you to call me Nowaki."

Friend

_Ba-bump!_

He wants me to call him by first name?

_Ba-bump!_

Why are you beating like a drum heart?

"Ok…"

"You know" I have to listen over the thundering of my heart to hear his words "You really are a great chef you know that. I never seen anyone cook like that."

"Oh um" My nervous laugh escapes me "When I was younger I always cooked for me and my Nii san. When I moved in with his friend I even cooked for him too." Though he never noticed like you...Nowaki san.

My insides suddenly went somehow giddy just thinking his first name like that.

What is wrong with me today?

"Do you want to be a chef when you're older? Is that it?"

Chef? Me?

"No...to be honest I don't know what I want to be exactly." nothing interests me and I'm pretty...pretty much useless….

"I'm sure you'll find out as you go along. You're really talented so it won't be a problem."

Talented.

_Ba-bump Ba-bump!_

What is this?

"I don't think so…"

"But I do."

Shit.

What is this warm feeling?

"Are you ok?" Now I'm conscious of Nowaki's hot breath on my face, close to my face, as he brings his forehead against mine. "You're all red Misa chan. Are you feeling ill?"

I don't know what I'm feeling.

Nervous

Confused

Scared

…...Happy

But **why**?

"I'm...fine."

He finished wrapping my head up and we just sit there in the back of the stand listening to people laugh and joke and chat with Asura. The fluttering in my stomach does not leave or decreases but increases making me dizzy.

Everything is spinning so much that I have to lay down for a bit. Being out of my mind today unconsciously I lay my head on Nowaki's shoulder and am grateful he doesn't shrug me off but brings me closer wrapping my somehow chilled body into his warm gigantic one.

At that moment I am, for the first time since forever, _**content.**_

Also as I stay with the big giant, those dark thoughts haunting me and a certain stupid rabbit not once bothers me any longer, leaving me to blissful sleep.

But the question still remains; **what are these sickening sweet feelings invading my body concerning Nowaki?**

* * *

**Once again thanks for reading and continuing this!**

**It means so much!**

**Also YOKO NO worries about sounding like a bitch! Lol you're cool it's just that I didn't know much about your personality so just wrote down what I thought:3 Sorry!**

**Also I'm glad Asura's happy *pets Asura's head* He's just so lovable lol:D Wonder if I could use him in some other stories of mine:D**

**AND ANOTHER THING!**

**I JUST REALIZED FEAR HAS ANOTHER TING IN COMMON WITH SINFUL!**

**THEY BOTH DON'T WEAR SHOES LOL!**

**XD**

**Til next time:D**


	5. losing it

**Hello again and welcome back to another episode(?) of Fruitless Love.**

**YEAH FOR ANGST AND ALL THAT OTHER SHIT! **

**And as for you my dear DEAR Fear~  
I apologize for wasting your time on a sad sadistic skank like me but slut is just going too far and remember; TWINKLE GAVE YOUR LIFE IN THE PALMS OF MY HANDS. *sadistic smiles* So that means I HAVE permission to do what I please with you. For example dear Fear; say I want you to be some fluffy softy on the inside who somehow in some way falls in love with Sinful and is really not at all that big scary person. **

**Remember that there's are worse things than death Fear ^_^ **

**Now for Twinkle; I hope you're alright and better now:D  
As for a Nowaki pov I am going to get there but I just need to get things with Misaki down before that ok? And tell Asura "AWE! HE'S SO CUTE DREAMING OF STRAWBERRY SHORT CAKE AND YES HE IS SO CUNNY;)" I just wish his cousin Fear would learn from him-_-**

**No offense but I want to make Fear suffer. **

**Anyways~ Enjoy and I don't own junjou romantica or any of Twinkle characters! I only own this account, this pizza, and this pitch black heart I keep in my closet for safe keeping:D**

* * *

The festival's going well and whoa…Asura is great at baking. I wonder what he wants to be when out of this school.

Going up to him, Nowaki behind me, I tap him lightly on the shoulders being cautious to ignore the glare thrown my way by that psycho cousin who seems to have come back. Creepy…

"Asura you can go and enjoy the festival now. I'm sorry for causing you trouble." Before I can take the mixing bowl away Asura puts it down then drags me and Nowaki over to where his cousin is. "W-what?"

Don't make me go back to the killer!

"Fear nii! The costumes! The costumes!" I try shrinking back but Asura surprisingly keeps me in place as the monster in front of us hands a bag kindly to him. "Thank you nii!"

The guy just grunts then walks away again, waving "whatever."

Sighing in relief Asura turns to us and shoves the bag towards us. "Change" is all he says with a determined look in his doe red eyes. "Change and you two go enjoy the festival."

"Asura?" what goes through his head exactly? "I can't do that. I have to take care of this stand remember besides you should go out and enjoy the festival. I'm fine! Go and have fun."

"Noooooooooooooooooo! Asura wants Misa chan to have fun with Waki tan! Asura will take care of baking so go go go!"

No don't give the puppy eyes!  
It's so sad seeing those eyes….Urg why am I so weak?

Defeated I just nod and accept the battle I lost against this adorable child. I don't think I'll ever win an argument against you Asura. Will he be the death of me someday?

The costume he made me was Miharu from the anime Nabari No Ou. Nowaki was given the Yoite costume to go with mine. How he found out our sizes I don't think I want to know. After changing into the costumes we were sent out to explore the festival.

Ah I haven't played in a festival for like four years. The ones I always gone to I only volunteered like today with the baking. I never got to actually explore around and have fun not that I or am complaining, I'm not, it's just nice to hang and not work in a festival.

"Where to first Misa chan?" The hat Nowaki's wearing keeps going into his eyes making him look like one of those mysterious detectives you see on those cop shows. All he needs now is a gun and a pipe or cigarette.

"I don't know…wherever you want to go is fine I guess." From the side of my vision I see a stuff anime stand where you have to shoot the target to win. "How bout that!"

My child side comes out and I can't help but grin at the giant happy tree friends Flaky doll. I want to win it!

We go over there and the one running the stand is none other than Suma senpai. "Hey Misaki, came to try and win the Flaky?"

"How did you know?"

"Lots of people been trying but none succeeded yet." He smiles "Who's your friend?"

Blushing slightly I introduce them "Sorry this is Nowaki Kusama. We're just hanging out." They exchange hellos.

"The School's new nurse."

"Yup you must be Misa chan's friend."

"Yup BEST friend."

Ok then…awkward.  
"Here" I give senpai five dollars "I want to try winning Flaky."

He passes me the water gun and wishes me luck. Taking careful aim I point, wait, then fire, and yes! I got it! I got it!

Senpai looks dumbfounded as he hands me Flaky.  
Unable to contain the excitement in me I squeak with glee.

Childish I know but that's how I always been really. A child at heart and an adult on the outside. I can't change that no matter how I try.

I hug the cute stuff toy to my chest.

"Your amazing."

"EH?!" I forgot Nowaki was with me. He gazes at me in some sort of way that I never seen before and my belly rises and drops from being gazed at like that.

"At lots of things. You're amazing Misa chan. You truly are." I don't say anything because I'm still shocked at what he called me. Amazing.

How many years have I wanted to be noticed like that from a certain rabbit?  
How many time have I went unacknowledged?  
Thirsty for those words from Usagi san.

I want Usagi san to acknowledge me like that, to see me as amazing, and to see me as someone special. Yet here I am being acknowledged by someone else. Someone I don't know well and yet I don't mind. On the contrary I want to be acknowledged by Nowaki more.

"Oh look there!" Nowaki takes my hand in his giant one squeezing gently pulling me "Let's see if we can win a goldfish!"

Unaware a giggle escapes past my lips "Ok."

* * *

Running up the stairs I laugh slightly at myself thinking of how I can't wait to tell Usagi san or anybody about yesterday! It was so much fun and I nearly beat Nowaki at all the games we played!

I stop at the entrance of our apartment door panting trying to regain precious breath back in my sore lungs.

Opening the door I rush inside clutching Flaky in both my hands to lift up and show the Rabbit. "Usagi san!"

In the living room I stop in my tracks.  
My blood freezes.

"Oh Misaki kun." Onodera is here...smiling at me…holding Usagi san's hand. But that's not what makes my blood stop flowing.

It's what on the stupid's editor's hand or more precisely his finger.

A ring.

"Misaki" Usagi san looks at the Flaky in my hands smiling "Me and Ritsu has some good news to share with you." My eye twitches and I can feel my hands unconsciously twisting the doll's arm tighter which each twist as Usagi san continues. "We already told Takahiro yesterday. We would have liked you to have been here as well but…." He drifts off for a moment. "We're engaged Misaki."

Snap!

My brain goes.  
Tiny angry monsters claw at my heart shredding it like paper.

"Misaki?" I hear them calling me "Misaki are you alright?"

"Misaki kun?"

"Misaki!"

"Huh?" hot fluid runs down my fingers and I realize that it's blood. Looking down at my hands I gasp. My poor Flaky's arm is ripped from all the twisting I've done. My hand got cut from twisting toy's arm too tightly.

Looking at the poor toy Nowaki's kind face flashes before my inner eyes smiling. Guilt suddenly floods me like I hurt him somehow from breaking my stuffed toy.

"Let me see Misaki" Usagi san comes by me reaching out but I back away like he's fire. My chest hurts so bad I can hardly breathe in this room.

Looking up all I can say is "I have to go to the store." I turn away heading back to the way I came ignoring the constant calls from behind.

Hurrying I run to the closest store trying not to cry from the sound of my heart turning to ashes. Somehow its cold now, so cold, I feel numb. Looking through the aisles I keep my mind busy trying to find some damn needles and sewing kit.

My barriers start breaking down the more time pass until tears do fall out my damn eyes. I want to hide from the world, from people's stares. They keep looking at me and I know they secretly pity me, this sad excuse for a person. This nobody.

Stop looking at me.

Stop it!

"Misa chan?" a voice gasps and soon shoes are in front of me as I look emptily at the floor.

That voice pulls me to look up not because I don't know who it is, I know, but because the voice is calming and doesn't sound like fake concern.

"Nowaki?" I wipe the tears futilely but still attempt hiding my feeling by smiling a bit. "What are you doing here?"

"Are you alright"

"Yeah yeah" I wave the concern off "Just…have to find a sewing kit" I hold up the ripped toy to explain.

"But you're crying."

"It's nothing."

He says nothing.  
Who can blame him?

How would you react seeing a dainty teen bawling like a baby in a store with a toy in his hand? Heck I wouldn't talk to me either.

"Want to have some lunch with me Misa chan?" Excuse me? "You look like you need some fresh air to calm down." He stares at my shaking that I just now noticed.

He takes the sewing kit out of my seizer hand and walks me to the cashier. Paying for my stuff he leads me to a small diner where we could talk and get away from everything wrong in my messed up life.

**I know this is weak -_-**

**I just know it *shoots self with a super stapler* Sorry. Next time I will continue it and make it more interesting I promise but I'm just drained today. That and I noticed my writing has been getting kind of lazy.  
O.O**

**BETTER GET MY ACT TOGETHER!**

**So until next time and if you have a suggestion and want me to add something BRING IT ON! **

**:3 **

**And Twinkle: Forgive me for shaming you today with this sucky chapter *goes crying in emo corner* FORGIVE ME! **

**But for you Fear: I will gladly mess you up! O.e **


End file.
